Difficult to forgive??

Does forgiveness mean condoning, does it mean forgetting or does it mean disregarding the offenses commited? A lot of questions arise when it comes to forgiveness in a relationship . Many people find it difficult to understand why they should forgive, some feel that they have forgiven so many times while others want to forgive but dont know how, because it is difficult.

Forgiveness is not condoning or disregarding the offense . It is just a decision to let go off the heaviness, bitterness or resentment. Someone once asked me, why is it important to forgive? Well… in a relationship no one is perfect, it is given that one of you will make an error. This means that we all find ourselves in a position of either needing to forgive or asking for forgiveness. When forgiveness is reciprocal, it gives hope to your relationship. When both of you are able to forgive, it is a sign that things will get better even if it doesn’t seem like they will. If you have children, it is important to note that bitterness can be passed on unintentionally . It is very difficult to show love while you are bitter inside your heart. How can you smile while your heart is bleeding? Getting rid of bitterness allows you to give genuine love to your children. Most importantly forgiveness benefits you as an individual. When you forgive, you are getting rid of the stresses which bring potential diseases or sicknesses such as high blood pressure. When your heart is full of bitternes there is no place to accommodate positive feelings or good memories. If kept for too long, bitterness prevails and cover all good memories. When you do away with feelings of bitterness, you will see more progress in your life because you have provided room in your heart to meditate and think about good things.

Is forgiveness for Christians only?

Throughout my engagement with couples, they often associated forgiveness with Christianity or church. One would say “Im not a Christian so let’s put forgiveness aside”. It is true that in the biblical sense, forgiveness is a mandate from God, therefore Christians are required to forgive. However, even if you are from a different religion or maybe you do not have any religion at all, forgiveness works for you too. Many psychologists and social workers encourage forgiveness. They define it as a deliberate choice to do away with feelings of bitterness or resentment. This means that forgiveness is not really about religion, it is about making a decision to release the feelings of hurt so that you can pave a way for new positive feelings.

Does forgiveness come with time?

I would say yes.. because people are different and they process their feelings in different time frames. Other people forgive depending on the intensity of the offense committed and it seems the more serious the offense is deemed, the more it takes time for one to forgive. However, while i acknowledge that people process this in different time frames, there is something i want to draw your attention to. Remember forgiveness is a decision or a choice, meaning that you have to make a decision to let go. I have noted that many people struggle to forgive not because they need more time but because they haven’t made the decision to forgive. Be careful! you might go for many years thinking that its taking time to forgive yet you are not going far because you have not yet made the decision to forgive. It is important to make the decision to forgive, if you dont, you are like someone who starts counting the minutes for a race before starting the first step. You will keep counting and never arrive, not because the journey is too long but because you haven’t started the first step. In other words, i acknowledge the pain caused and the different time frames in processing the feelings but i am challenging you you to start the first step, DECIDE to forgive! After this, it may take time but because you have already started the first step always know that a journey of thousand miles begins with the first step! You will arrive.

Well, there is a lot to discuss when it comes to forgiveness. Watch out for my next post addressing more issues on forgiveness😊