What do you say or do when you are not happy about what your partner has done to you? Just like any other relationship, there maybe disagreements or arguments in a marriage. There are those people who threaten to leave. They often say “I am leaving you” but they do not leave, something happens again and they threaten to leave, but they don’t. Some people take it as a way of giving warnings while some want to scare their partner through instilling fear of being abandoned. While I agree that there are behaviours that might cause people to think of leaving the marriage, threatening to leave every time there is a disagreement is not the best way to solve problems. Let’s look at why this isn’t a good idea.
It is a barrier to problem solving
When disagreements happen, we hope to discuss and solve the problem right? If we present behaviours that hinder solutions we increase the problem rather than reducing it. Instead of focusing on discussing what happened, why it happened and the way foward, the conversation is diverted to leaving the marriage. At the end of the day you find that you are still in the marriage but all burning issues have not yet been discussed. When you rush to threaten to leave, you block an opportunity to discuss the actual problem because your partner will either think it won’t help to discuss it anyway or they take advantage of the situation and blame you for always thinking of leaving the marriage.
It is a sign of immaturity
Yes, this might be not so good to hear but it is true. If you always threaten to leave the marriage everytime you have a disagreement it really shows that you are immature. Mature people address the actual problem, they make their expectations clear and they are solution focused. The fact that you haven’t left the marriage means you still have hope that it might work out so stop threatening to leave and work towards addressing the problem.
It spikes anger and violence
Threatening to leave before discussing the issue spikes anger especially to people who are short tempered or have anger management problems. It makes one feel judged because you are threatening to live before they get a chance to talk about it and might cause violence to happen. If you still want this marriage, stop with the threats and focus on discussing the problem, make your expectations clear and discuss them. Focus on finding solutions and wayfoward!
Even if you have made up your mind and you really want to leave, rather take steps than making threats for there is no benefit in making threats. These threats will not help you with anything but adding more problems.
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Dr Nyanhaz 