In my post earlier this week, l posted part 1 of this topic where I discussed how conflict affect our sex life and why it’s important to promote intimacy in our marriages. Here is part 2😊
3. Understand that sex on its own does not resolve conflict
Throughout my experience, i have met some people who seem to believe that sexual intercourse on its own can resolve conflict. They don’t work on resolving conflict, they rather force to try and have pleasing sexual intercourse with their partner with the aim of making conflict to disappear, well negative feelings caused by constant conflict don’t just disappear. They remain unresolved and can negatively affect your sex life. It is very important to note that sex on its own cannot resolve conflict. Resolve it, don’t shelve it and try to use sex to reach a common ground…it doesn’t work!
Understand that sex done in conflict may lead to more anger and resentment
It is also important to note that sex done in conflict tends to cause an increase of the feelings of resentment and anger. Why? because when you ignore ongoing conflict but still want to have sex, you appear to the other person as selfish. It shows lack of empathy. It says ‘i want my desires met even if i hurt you and know you are feeling sad’. So instead of the sexual intercourse binding you together, it causes the other person, especially the one who feels hurt to hate you more. The question i often hear is’ how can he expect sex when we have not resolved the burning issues, how does he expect me to enjoy? This causes feelings of anger and resentment towards you to accumulate because the other person expected sex before resolving issues. This means that your sexual intercourse will not be enjoyable, it becomes a chore rather than an intimate affectionate act.
Work towards resolving conflict, after resolving it, there are so many ways to promote your intimacy here are some of them:
-Learn each other’s love language
-Show affection often (way before having sex)
-Talk about your sexual intercourse experiences openly
-Prioritise satisfaction for both of you
If this was helpful please subscribe and follow the blog to get new content each time I post. You can also comment anonymously to share your thoughts or ask a question😊.
Dr Nyanhaz 