Do you feel like you give too much love without receiving it in return? Or instead, you are putting all the effort to keep the fire burning while the other person is not doing much? Your relationship might be suffering from unrequited love, meaning there is some evidence that the love you have in your relationship is not reciprocal. Reciprocity is the wheel that keeps relationships going. It is simply the ability to exchange love for mutual benefit. When one person receives love and the other is not, it causes frustration. It makes one question why they are still in the relationship. Let us look at some of the signs that your relationship suffers from unrequited love?
- Your partner knows your love language, but you don’t
- You receive gifts, but you don’t give back
- You are often comforted and emotionally supported, but you don’t remember the last time you gave the emotional support back
- You feel sexually satisfied, but you don’t know if your partner is satisfied
- Your partner checks in with you to check how you are feeling, but you don’t do the same
- You receive a lot of apologies when offended, but you don’t often say sorry
There could be different signs to those stated above; however, it is essential to understand that unrequited love causes frustration and may lead to unnecessary arguments. When people’s emotional needs are not met, this could cause ongoing anger and sadness. People can appear grumpy because they are not getting back the love they are expecting and, therefore, might become difficult to deal with or engage in fruitful conversations.
Unrequited love in a marriage may also cause loss of affection. Feelings of loving someone do not remain permanent for many people, or instead, let me say they require to be nurtured to grow and stay alive. If someone is not receiving the love back, they slowly lose affection and sometimes wonders if it is worth continuing to be in a relationship where there is no love. It may lead one to consider divorce.
How do we work on unrequited love?
- Let your partner know that there is a problem because some people won’t realise until they are told
- Communicate the needs. This means that you become more specific about what your expectations are. What do you expect them to do?
- Reach a common ground. Sometimes some people struggle to express love for various reasons, e.g. trauma, grief or even the fact that they grew up without anyone showing love to them or witnessing adults showing love to each other. In cases like that, the other partner must understand that it will take time to learn new behaviour
- Willingness to learn is essential. If you fail to reciprocate love, do not be defensive, be willing to unlearn bad behaviour and learn new ways of showing love to satisfy your loved one.
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Dr Nyanhaz 