Will your boyfriend be a good or bad husband?

If you are a lady, in a relationship, and hopping to  get married one day this is for you. Marriage is a life commitment, you do not want to find yourself regretting why you married him. Everyone wants their marriage to be perfect or rather to have less problems. You are probably wondering if your boyfriend will be that husband that you always wished for. Well the truth is that, many people who entered into marriage and encountered problems had seen some signs before marriage and probably ignored them. Though people do not usually show their full nature or characteristics in their  love relationship before marriage, there are always little signs to warn you what will come your way. Most people have seen some signs and ignored them. I know you are in love but you need to open your eyes and mind. Though marriage itself brings changes that may impact on a person’s behavior, maintaining an objective mind in your relationship allows you to see some signs that helps you determine if your boyfriend will be a good or bad husband. Though there are many signs one may consider looking at, this post provides you with some general behaviors that one can consider using in predicting how the marriage will be looking like.

Is he the traditional type

Traditions are good, because they sometimes remind us who we are and probably help us preserve our culture. However in terms of love relationships, traditions are only good to a certain extent. A traditional person is one whose mindset is fixed, no matter how much lifestyle changes in the society, their thinking is fixed around traditional customs . They still want to hold traditional views, beliefs or ceremonies for the sake  of tradition not necessarily assessing the impact these have on the relationship. Be very careful if your boyfriend presents serious traditional behaviors, there is a high chance his traditional views about marriage will not just vanish because he has married you. He is likely to carry his traditional views in the marriage. So, what are some of the traditional views that some men holds that might stress you? These traditional beliefs vary depending on one’s culture, i will use an example of some African Cultures. Some men hold a  belief that the role of women is to stay home, raise children and maintain the home, he is the only one who should work. Some believe that men must never do any house chores. Some cultures see doing house chores not as a way to assist but rather as a weakness. Some men also believe that women should be disciplined through beating or using force. In some cultures violence against women is not a problem. Wise up and check if your boyfriend is not presenting one or more behaviors stated above, if he does not address this-think twice before deciding to say ‘i do’.

Is he after your money or possessions?

Nowadays there are successful women. Women are rising up to create wealth for themselves. These days, there are men who look for successful women, pretend to love them so that they can benefit from their money. Some are willing to marry, not because of love but to access easy money. Some will pretend as if they do not want your money while they are after it. This aspect needs someone who can fall in love but maintain an open eye and mind. I mean those men who have an agenda to benefit from what you have. There is nothing wrong with assisting each other in a relationship but be careful. What are the behaviors that you need to look at? If he asks for financial help but never talks about a formal agreement on how he returns it back. If he gets grumpy when you ask that an agreement of sale or loan is needed. He does not want you to formalize his request for asking for money. He makes you to feel like you are the only one in his life who can bail him out financially. Where are his friends, relatives and family. Who was helping him all along when you were not in the picture. Ladies, be careful!

Is it difficult for him to appreciate or give you

Many people when we talk about appreciating, money and gifts come into their mind. Money and gifts are not all that love is. However, love without giving and appreciation is questionable. Can he open his mouth to appreciate you or what you do. When last did he appreciate you, just with words? Are words expensive? Do they require effort? Why cant he appreciate you? If you cant remember when last he appreciated you, this is a sign of trouble. He will not start when he marries you. He will be worse than now. How can one say he loves you and he finds it difficult to give you something. Everyone, rich or poor has something to give. The point is, he should have something to give you as a way of appreciating you. If your boyfriend constantly forgets special days for example your birthday, its a sign that he will forget even more when you are married. What happens is that before marriage there are less stressors, so if he can forget now, when stressors are less, what more when you marry him. This is not about giving him pressure to buy what he cant afford but the questions are, can he give you something? Is it difficult for him to give you something? Does he think giving you something is waste of resources. What are his excuses for not being able to give you something?

Does he rely on parents or relatives when making decisions?

Family is a source of support and everyone would do with some family support. However, if your boyfriend cannot make decisions for himself, or wait for his parents to make the decisions, then you might want to be careful. Those boyfriends who always say ‘i will ask mum’ are dangerous, especially if its a decision that he can make himself. After being given the advice by his parents, he should be able to assess this advice and not use it if its not working. If he cant there is a chance that even in the marriage, he will let his parents make decisions for him or accept any decisions even though they are not beneficial to your marriage.

Does he present violent behaviors?

This is the easiest to identify. An aggressive person is not difficult to see. I have seen many women who justify their boyfriends who are aggressive saying “he is not like that, he was just angry”. Well even if he was angry, he should be able to moderate his behavior and emotions and respond without violence. These are men who will beat you up when there is a conflict in the marriage. Before you marry him, assess his way of managing anger and frustration. If he is using physical force like shaking, pushing, destroying furniture etc….run with your life, for many women lost their life due to violence. You can also identify violence through words, if he sometimes say words like ‘i will kill you, i will break your neck, i will squash you’, be careful! Remember people speak from the heart. Why would marry someone who wants to break your neck. Wise up and be careful!

Does he have a vision?

Do not confuse vision with money or a job. You can get a man who is not working, does not have money at the moment, but has a vision. If he doesnt have money, he should be able to provide a plan on how he plans to make the money. Not just a plan but a clear plan of action to produce results. This is very important because poverty is one of the leading causes of family breakdown and divorce. To provide a better future for you children, he should have a clear sensible vision. Remember marriage is a commitment, people plan to stay together for their whole life. There is nothing frustrating like being stuck with someone without vision. He doesn’t know where you are going and he certainly does not have any plan and step by step process on how he will achieve that plan. Not that i am saying you cant take care of your self but being single is different from being married. It is more stressful to have someone whom you think should be a source of support and then he becomes a burden. Be careful.

Does he want you to change the unchangeable?

Here i am talking of boyfriends who constantly wish that you were a person you are not. I am not referring to character because behavior can be learned or unlearned. I am referring to those things that you cannot change. If you are short or tall, you cannot change it. Some people are born very tiny or big and they cannot change that. We all know that as ladies, we are all uniquely beautiful. Our structures are uniquely built as well. If your boyfriend keeps on saying ‘i wish if you were short, I wish if you were tall, maybe if you can have bigger heaps or only if you were a bit lighter in completion’… etc. Hey, the truth is you are not! Ladies, do not take these things for granted.Just be extra careful. If he keeps on desiring what you are not and what you cannot change, he is destroying your self esteem. Do you think he will be satisfied to spend the whole life with you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who wishes what you are not? This is a source of lust and a major cause of infidelity in marriage. People are married to man who desire what they are not. Hence they search it outside. So if you are not yet married, and he presents this behavior rather do not marry him, for you are not what he wants!

Does he have have a good mentor?

One thing that has caused many people to continuously present bad behaviors is lack of a role model or mentor. Besides his father or guardian, a man who has a good mentor would be a better husby than the one who doesn’t have anyone to look up to. Why is this important? Because mentor’s play a big role in one’s life. They mold and shape behavior and certainly are a source of advice. Sometimes people don’t say who their mentors are but they have a public figure whom they look up to. So, what do you need to do look out for. Does he have a mentor? What role does the mentor play in his life? Is the mentor a good one or not. Why is this helpful? Because, for example, if his mentor sees nothing wrong with using force or beating wives then its most likely that he has the same view. So watch out!

Does he not fear God?

This is probably controversial but i will tell you what i have seen working throughout my experience. Even if he is not much of a church goer , a general fear of God or acknowledgement that there is a supreme God makes a difference. I know some of you might be thinking this is not true but from my experience i found this making a difference. A general fear of God makes a person not to commit some horrible acts, not because there is someone telling them not to but just because they fear that God is watching and that he might not be condoning this behavior. This might be different depending on one’s religion but from my experience a man who fears God thinks twice before doing something stupid. What is probably going on in your mind is that church goers or born agains often do crazy stuff and you wonder if this fear of God has an impact at all. The truth is that there will always be people who are church goers or say they are born again and are not such in heart. I agree, but having said that its better to have one who knows God than one who doesn’t . It is the same as one who is working but dont pay bills, would you find another one who doesn’t have the money at all because you had a bad experience with the one who had it and and didn’t pay bill or you keep on finding someone who works but this time be more careful, making sure you pick one that does both. What am i saying? If your boyfriend does not acknowledge that there is God, just be more careful because he only relies on his conscience and laws to do the right thing.

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