Are you not confusing friendship with an emotional affair?

Something that is confusing is not very clear for one to understand. Infidelity is often regarded physical, it is usually linked to a physical sexual act. Emotional infidelity happens when someone has an emotional affair. It is not discussed often but it is one of the leading causes of divorce and stress in marriages. I will simply define emotional infidelity as letting your emotional needs or desires be satisfied by a friend of the opposite sex rather than your partner. When you are married and you allow your emotional needs and desires to be satisfied by a friend of the opposite sex it is no longer just friendship but an emotional affair. We all grew up with friends and we still have some. Its okay to have friends right? but what if friends are not just friends? what if these friends take a role of satisfying emotional needs that should be satisfied by a partner, are they still okay? definitely NO, because no one else should replace your partner’s role. If this happens, it is a sign that trouble is coming in your relationship!

How do you see that it is becoming more than just friendship?

The purpose of marriage is mainly to enjoy companionship. Everyone has emotional needs. Our emotional needs have 2 parts, one that can be satisfied by parents, close family members and friends. The second one is a part that needs to be fulfilled by a romantic relationship. There is always that void that gets filled when you finally meet the one you love. Here is an example, have you noticed that you can grow up in a family surrounded by caring people but you still want to be in a relationship to fulfil your emotional desires. Or you may be wealthy, have everything you may possibly desire but you still want a partner to provide that companionship that can never be bought with money. When your partner gives you a gift, wishes you well, compliment you or comfort you, it is different from any other person doing it. Now what happens if the things I just mentioned are done by a friend of the opposite sex and you feel more fulfilled by their acts than your partner’s? For example you receive bad news and the first person you tell is your friend of the opposite sex? You receive good news and you want to celebrate the achievement with this person more than your partner. When you look good you want this person to see you. When you touch your phone you want to talk to them first. Their words of comfort satisfy you more than your partners words. You can share with them any news and sometimes these news include your partners faults. Their comments or feedback on what you have done matter more than your partner’s. If you answer yes to most of these questions, you are slowly getting into or already in an emotional affair.

What are the causes of an emotional affair?

Most of the times an emotional affair is a sign that things are not going so well in your current relationship. It means one or both people in the relationship are not providing each other with love or emotional attention required. This causes people to try and seek it from other people. It is a sign that you are craving for emotional companionship. Some emotional affairs start from unknown internet friends and eventually develop into emotional affairs. I should mention though that sometimes emotional infidelity starts from a friendship with no boundaries. Some people do and say things with their friends and end up in a emotional affair without noticing. Boundaries are important!

How dangerous is an emotional affair?

Many people think that when they let someone who is not their partner fulfil their emotional needs, it does not have an effect as long as they don’t meet physically. This is not correct as most of the physical acts of infidelity are caused by emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity builds the desire to meet the person and satisfy sexual desires. Also, it gradually destroys the urge to spend quality time with your partner. It also opens a door to comparing your partner with this person and this usually leaves you with a sense of resentment for your partner. Not forgetting that sex life in a marriage does not start in bed, it is enjoyable when its prepared during the day with emotional needs being met. If you spend the whole day enjoying the company of another person meeting your emotional needs, do you think you will enjoy the sexual encounter with your partner. Its like spending the whole day rehearsing a song with someone and then take part in the singing competition with a different person. What happens? There will definitely be a discord and you will probably not win the competition right? So watch out and prevent yourself from engaging in emotional infidelity. If there are infidelity or any type of problems in your relationship, work on them rather than turning to someone to meet your emotional needs. Remember two wrongs never make a right. You wont be solving anything but adding problems!

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