The best way to deal with finances in a marriage

Finances are one of the reasons why people live in stressful marriages. Sometimes people end up divorcing because of disagreements regarding the handling of finances in a marriage. The question I hear often is “What’s the best way to handle finances in a marriage?” Some are sharing their earnings, some are not. Some have sources of income that are not known by their partners while some feel its best to live together but go separate ways in terms of finances. Some are constantly worried that they are not achieving anything due to poor management of finances in the marriage. What is your situation?

What’s mine is yours mindset

Throughout my experience, I found out that the best way to handle finances in a marriage is transparency and team work. Some may have different opinions but I have seen that if there is transparency and team work in a marriage, greater results are achieved. One of the advantage of marriage is combined effort. This means that two people are putting their minds and finances together towards their family and their agreed goals. It also means that you both agree on how money is spent and support each other’s personal goals. Partners who implement transparency and team work in terms of finances are usually successful financially. I often hear people say “I am successful even though I don’t share my finances with her or him”. Well I disagree! because two are definitely better than one! There might be tangible things you have achieved alone but if you try team work and transparency you will see better results. Partners who believe in the what’s mine is yours idea have less financial problems and are more successful in achieving their goals. You are together for a reason of companionship and joint effort, so why not plan, share and implement together.

Now what I explained above is probably the best way but not exactly what is happening in a lot of marriages. What if your partner does not agree to the ‘best way?’ What if they agree but never implement the agreement? What if you feel like you are disadvantaged because both your finances seem to be directed the other partner’s benefit not yours ? What if your partner does not believe in transparency or team work? Does it mean you divorce? Absolutely not! My passion is preserving families and I don’t believe in people divorcing because of differences. We aught to find a way of dealing with differences. All you need is to find a way that works for both of you. Often I find that problems come when one person in the marriage feels that they are disadvantaged in some way. Instead of fighting everyday or divorcing, try to find other ways to manage finances. Lets look at some of the ways of working it out.

Discuss your concerns and agree on what works

If you are not satisfied with how finances are going in your marriage, communication is key. Let your partner know how you feel. Some people were raised in families where finances were managed individually, their parents never exposed them to some form of team work so they might be thinking whatever they are doing is the best way. Some poor ways of managing finances are deep rooted in abusive cultural practices. For some it could be a different reason but the point here is that you must never assume! Create a platform where both of you discuss financial issues. Family, couple and individual goals that require finances must be discussed. Discuss and agree on how best these goals can be met. This discussion is best done before one commits to marrying someone however its never too late to discuss this even when you are already married. If you engage in this discussion and still find that you are both not agreeing on total transparency and team work, try the 2 ideas below.

Joint account for couple goals

So you have discussed family/couple goals. That is good because you now know what you want to achieve. For example; savings for securing children’s future education or starting a family business. If putting the money together is not working, create a joint account whereby each of you contribute towards your couple or family goals. If both of you commit to this joint account idea, you get to achieve some goals for the benefit of your children.

Shared responsibilities

You could also try sharing financial responsibilities. This means that you sit down together as a couple and list everything that requires financial attention in your marriage then agree on who pays what and when. This method works better if responsibilities are shared fairly according to how much one earns as earnings are usually not the same. For example one who earns more might take the responsibility of paying rent while one who earns less pay electricity bills.

If you have tried all these and it seems nothing is working again, find a professional counsellor to help you deal with this. Some financial problems tend to be connected to many social issues or past history and therefore require professionals to assist you with this, You could also find a personal financial adviser to help you manage your finances. There is nothing wrong with looking for help, find someone to talk to before its too late!

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