4 simple ways to reduce constant conflict in your relationship

Disagreements in a relationship are normal, they can be healthy because they lead us to understand the other person and prompt us to find ways to work together but what if the conflict is constant? What if it’s more of disagreements than agreements? In some relationships even normal conversations end up being heated arguments. Everyone in a relationship desires to be happy and one thing that steals joy in many relationships is constant conflict. In this post, we discuss four simple ways to minimise conflict. We are acknowledging that unfavourable situations/issues that may cause conflict will arise but they don’t have to cause constant conflict. They can be resolved amicably. Here are some ways that can help us to prevent constant conflict.

1. Be calm before addressing issues

When we are not happy about something the first reaction is to want to release those negative feelings. Sometimes we think that when we express our feelings right away, when we are angry- then the other person will hear us but thats actually the opposite. When we express how we feel through anger, when we yell, scream etc, the other person focuses on trying to manage the situation rather than hearing our point of view. Even if they appear as if they agree with us, most of the times they do because of fear, or as a way to prevent violence or further conflict.

Another downside of addressing things when we are angry is that we end up saying things we don’t want to. At that point, our emotions are irrational, they cloud our judgement and our selection of proper words to use. The problem with this is that words are so powerful, they can create or destroy, they can stick on someone’s heart for quite a long time. It will take a lot of effort to undo the damage done by our words. Most of the time, people don’t mean it, they were just angry but the damage would have been done.

One important thing we can do to prevent constant conflict is to be calm before addressing those issues. Breathe in and out, take a step back, pause, reflect before addressing the situation. If you are not your normal self, that is definitely NOT the right time to adress your concerns.

2. Do not wait for something to happen for you to address your concerns

If you are someone who waits for something bad to happen or for your partner to make a mistake, please stop. There is a difference between taking a step back to be calm and bottling things inside. When you bottle feelings, you pretend that all is well and then when your partner does something again then you try to address everything at once. The danger to this is that your response to this situation will appear as exaggerated. One of the reasons why some of you are labelled dramatic😀. You will be trying to respond to the issue at the moment using a bunch of feelings from past experiences- it doesn’t help to resolve the problem.

Another problem is that your partner will view you as a hypocrite, because you were pretending to be okay and suddenly you reveal that you were never happy. Instead of resolving conflict, it just lead to more conflict. The simplest thing to do is not to wait for something bad to happen to address your concerns.

3. Agree on a no violence principle

One thing for sure is that constant conflict in a relationship is draining. If your relationship has lots of conflict you could agree on a no violence principle. Remember violence can be verbal as well, to prevent it you could simply agree on a principle that if a conversation is heated, we will pause and only continue when both parties feel they are calm. This doesnt mean you ignore resolving issues, it just means you agree to continue the conversation when you are both calm. Give each other a responsibility to remember to pause and step away once you see that the conversation is no longer fruitful. You would have to agree together because if one person steps away in the middle of the argument, the other might think they are being ignored and they will be more heightened. Both of you should be on the same page – agreeing to pause when the conversation is no longer fruitful or when it’s getting heated.

4. Do a reality check on your love basket

I once posted an article titled what’s in your love basket? In that article I stressed the importance of creating memories together- which is filling up your love basket. Sometimes an empty love basket can be the cause of constant conflict. When we don’t get the love we want in a relationship we can become cranky with everything. Even the smallest thing can make us argue. Spending time doing positive things together, it could be the things you both love , just being in environments that prompt you to love or exploring life’s adventures together. It will lessen constant conflict.

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